How to keep you cool when you feel like a fool.

15832932-Executive-about-to-smash-his-laptop-with-a-hammer-Stock-Photo-computer-frustrated-laptop

Yes that is a stock photo of a computer “executive” smashing his laptop. Deal with it.

So you got angry, and you reacted, you snapped. The problem with Anger is that anger begets more anger. It snowballs until eventually you get tired and give up. Like when you’re trying to get an orgasm and then you hit just before the sweet spot and give up. You know that? Yeah me neither, but I’m sure you’ve been angry before so let’s talk about that haha.

Anyway, getting Angry is a part of nature, now some people associate anger with frustration. Frustration is when someone is complaining, they are whinging about their situation and they’re acting like a little kid. A kid that’s been abused, not a loved child, but a child all the same. Anyway (again), true anger is when someone looks bigger than you and with true anger you can destroy anything. I once threw a pot plant out the window and my god did people get scared.

That’s what happens when you get angry, people get freaked out. Now for those of you who do get angry often but have to learn to stifle that, let me tell you, you’re doing it the wrong way. Take it from the person who got so angry they got put in a Mental Asylum because everyone freaked out about their “change in character” (I was going through some emotional changes, give me a break, you might end up there one day too, we’re all capable of being pushed over the edge). So you got a bit pissed and people are now scared of you, or you’re walking on thin ice, egg shells, whatever metaphor you love and you don’t know what to do. Here’s the solution.

Love yourself, treat yourself with kindness, you’re allowed to get angry, it’s ok, you don’t have to feel guilty. Feel better? No, well how about this. Take your anger and go and smash a pot or whatever you want, something inexpensive and see how that feels, but try and stay in control of yourself. You’re just angry, it’s ok.

See the reason some men get so angry that they can’t control it is that they’ve never been taught how. But you can learn and since you’re an adult, you have much more control over yourself. Hopefully. Haha. Otherwise you might end up in a Mental Hospital like me. It was a dark time in my life, I don’t want to have to explain it, but I will, if I want. Anyway (once again) anger is incontrollable. You need to let it out in small bursts.

Let’s see, who are the least angry people in the world? People who listen to heavy metal. I used to be scared of heavy metal, like literally scared but really I was just scared of myself. Scared of what I was capable of when I got angry (and it’s a lot, trust me, the police got called hahaha) but I called them so it’s ok. Anyway, find the heavy metal that works for you. Or maybe you need to tear paper? Bash up your furniture with a pool noodle?

See, our society is scared of anger, so we’re not able to express it. And that is toxic, so those of us who can feel Anger, who know it’s power are treated like criminals. I’ve never hurt anyone, now my father, he’s threatened to kill people, I’ve just told people to fuck off. Suffice to say I don’t have contact with my father anymore (because I don’t have to).

What do I mean by someone “looking bigger than you” (what I said above), see we are a product of our experience, of our emotional trauma but we don’t see the world accurately. We percieve danger in all the wrong places, so when someone gets angry, they actually 100% look bigger than you, in your minds eye. You might not notice it if you’re not perceptive to other people’s emotions but when other people look frustrated they look like a silly little ball of anger, like misdirected energy. Someboy who’s actually angry, you need to stand away from. Somebody who’s frustrated, you need to comfort them. It’s a bit like anxiety.

So now that’s out of the way, we can talk about how to keep your cool. See, I always thought keeping your cool was stifling your anger, submitting to it but that’s wrong. You acknowledge that you have anger but you don’t show it, you use it your advantage. Because people can tell when you’re angry even when you don’t jump up and down screaming. In some situations you might feel like you’re overreacting and everyone is noticing your behaviour, but to everyone else you seem cool calm and collected. See, you can learn how to disperse our emotions slowly, with a slow release.

And once you’ve learned to do that, you can deal with the excess later, much later. That’s what listening to hevay metal does, it disperses the anger. See people do it in the wrong order, they try and listen to music to change their mood but you must listen to music to elevate your mood. And what I mean by that is, you listen to music to help your mood along, to feel like it’s ok to feel this way and let it be released out of you. If you mull it over, you’ll release it next time you see that person (or thing) and you’ll react like a trigger, snapping at the first point of pressure.

It’s alright to be angry but you must learn to approach each situation as it is. That is the ultimate goal of this life. And the only way to do that is to approach your emotions and let them flow out of you like pissing in the ocean hahaha

 

Seeya!

Joshua

Slaying Poon

So you like slaying poon?

Wrong.

You like being a womanizer. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing because some women need to be womanized. Like Julia Childs for example, she’s a fucking bitch. Did you see that movie? apparently she didn’t want anything to do with the blog or the movie at all! What a CUNT.

Anyway, you like being a womanizer. Go on, admit it. It’s easier to think that you have some kind of indismissable power over women because of your cock than it is to be vulnerable and have a real conversation.

See there’s a lot of gob being thrown around these days. “Be real”, well what is real? I’ll tell you, being real is understanding the situation and taking from it what you want. And I don’t mean stealing the last bowl of chips. I mean interacting. Cause unfortunately not everyone is going to be “nice” to you.

Get over it. Seriously our world is obsessed with people being nice. But people can do very nice things and be a total dick with untoward intentions behind all of it.

So stop being nice and start being real. So how do I be real? Here’s an idea, centre yourself by doing let’s say meditiation or if that doesn’t work for you, yoga. But don’t try and do things to run away from the problem. See those people that like running, they literally enjoy running away from their problems.

“I can feel better wthout having to face any difficulties!” No you can’t. Because that shit just come to haunt you later at a time when you’ve got no recourse for dicsussion about it. Because the person has already moved on.

It’s sad that modern psychology just tells you to “go work out” because physical exercise is the only way we know how to feel better. Everyone knows how to feel better, it’s just they don’t use those devices when they down. So why are we teaching people to lift dumbells and gym equipment when we aready know what to do? You just need to be reminded.

And don’t tell me the gym makes you feel good. You mean that sterile smell of washed iron and steel and the dredge of sweat all through the rubber flooring? Yeah, really good. Who needs to wear shoes inside? Shoes were made for the fact that we can’t walk on hard rocks and glass, not to protect our recious feet from running on vinyl. Like fuck.

“I could just get away and be with my own thoughts” yes, I know, so how about you learn to do that in your day to day life? Nobody can do that, take away your autonomy, without your consent. You just believe they can so you tell them they don’t want to know. You don’t have to expose yourself to danger. If you’re kind, people are literally scared of you (trust me, I’ve seen it happen) and they won’t ask you those pericing questions. If you’re deliberately pesissmistic in front of authority because you believe they own some imaginary power over you then you’re wrong and you’ll be punished for it. Not by god, obviously, but by your own actions, what you do will literally come to bite you in the butt. So just walk away.

Silence is one of the best tactics for getting what you want. People won’t seak if you’re silent, they’re scared of you. Even if they ask you a question, you may choose to be silent and ignore them, pretend like you didn’t hear. Especially if it’s an asanine question, you can just ignore it. And that’s being real, showing people how you realy feel. By ignoring their question, by telling them, by standing up to them even when they might shut you down because you deserve it. Your voice deserves to be heard and silence can be deafening if used in the right way, not just to spite people.

If an interaction leaves you feeling light and unburdened then that’s a good thing. Other people don’t have to admonish your guilt, you aren’t always going to do something good. Sometimes you’re gonna be bad, and that’s ok, god will forgive you. So how about you be bad just this once?

Tell your dad to fuck off? Tell your mum to eat shit? Haha, maybe not. But anyway. People aren’t there for you so don’t be there for them. You don’t have to be a doormat to walk over. In all earnesty be who you are. Be real. Be a beta male. Cause that’s who chicks wanna see. Someone who’s vulnerable kind and honest. Not someone who’s brooding, desperate and needy. And you’re needy if you lack the sustenance to tell yourself that you’re ok and you don’t ned other’s approval. You’re needy if you tell someone to fuck off when you really want them to come closer. You’re scared and lonely so get over it and be happy and open.

That’s all for today,

Fuck You.

How You Look

“I look ugly!” Oh really? Do you. You know I read this post (I think it was on tumblr; BLEH) that said something about appearing 100x hotter to yourself than to other people. Now that’s garbage but I see where they’re coming from.

If you think that you’re ugly then you will appear to other people as ugly, if you think you’re hot then you will appear to other as an asshole. See what I’m getting at here? These are both forms of identity with stigma attached to them. And when you think something about yourself inevitably you begin to wear a mask that says “here I am, this is me!”

This is just like what I was saying about the mind vs. the body. If you identify with the mind, with being smart (cause let’s be honest, we all are, we’re all capable of the same shit, it’s just what we choose to do and some people just want to work in a supermarket their whole lives and that’s fine! You judgemental prick). Anyway, if you identify with being smart or appearing smart cause you think that’s valuable then that’s how people will describe you, unless you don’t actually believe it and it’s just an affront. See the mind is multi-layered and the spirit tries to help out as much as it can but it can’t.

Because you have many different values and conflicting thoughts. You might believe “fake it til you make it” but in itself that is flawed. Cause if you’re always faking it then you will never be it. I never fake it, I am just me and part of that is being who people want me to be. Is that manipulative? No. Is it manipulative to be a confidant for your friend when their in strife? No. Then why is it manipualtive to act gay in front of people who are more comfortable with someone who is gay. You just learn to fit in. But that does not become you. You are not your identities. You learn to put on different hats. But not even that, you just accept how other people see you but you must always treat them wth kindness.

And through kindness these conflicting idneitities fade away. You learn not to see the world in conflict. Oh I’m hot, he’s not, I’m bad-ass, he’s a loser. These are just words, they mea nothing unless you derive a meaning. They can come of as arrogant and well-intentioned and hateful all at the same time. It’s up to you how you want to say it. But it’s not even about “tone” because you can’t choose your tone, just like you can’t choose your heartrate. Through your emotions you are able to speak in a variety of different ways.

Think of your emotions as your memory bank. Your RAM as it were, you access it in order to do certain function but you don’t actualy control those functions. They’re a medium to go through to get what you want. That’s just like life. You don’t have to remember everything to be great. You just have to remember some things.

Like that, you’re not your body and you’re not even your mind (I got that from a meditation exercise, copyright! lol) but at the same time, you are your body and your mind. You need to make these things work in harmony. And if you do decide to identify with something, (I’m a criminal, I’m a loser, I’m a drug addict) then taht becomes destructive because you start doing things that you expect other people want you to do. What about what you want?

You’ve heard people say “I’m just a loser” before they do something bad. Doesn’t that say something to you? “I am” is one of the most destructive words in the English language. You are nothing! But at the same time you are something. It’s scary to be nothing huh? You’re not a wife, not a husband, not a lawyer, not even a millionaire? You can be all those things, learn all those identities but you still won’t be you.

We don’t need objects to satisfy our cravings. If we were in the jungle, we would be happy with just stone and wood (that’s a good beer by the way). So that Apple computer that you crave so much? useless, That peice of garbage that you just threw away, useful? Haha. Maybe. But you don’t know because you don’t see things how they are, you see them how someone has told you them to be and that’s not right.

It’s not wrong either, it just is, and it’s unfortunate. There is no right or wrong. Think of it this way, is it right to be hot? or is it wrong to be hot? it depends on the situation. Some people may love hot people, but we’re coming to a situation where everybody hates everybody and everyone’s just fighting to be on the top of the pile.

Well, you will literally be on the top of the pile if we don’t stop what we’re doing. On the pile of death. Mass famine, mass extinction. We’re all gonna get wiped out by superbugs and lack of industry to fix it. Because we created the problem! And the reason is that we’re so scared of getting sick that we act in ways that are destructive to the enviroment. Germs aren’t going to hurt you!

Ok, I’ve gone a bit off track here, but I’m jsut passionate about the enviroment. But I’m aso not passionate, if someone asked me about the rainforests in Madasgascar, I’d be like “who?” haha.

See, it doesn’t matter because the process starts with you. If you learn to love yourself and I mean truly love yourself. Not giving yurself labels and identities but seeing them as useful. Then you will be able to love the enviroment and your impact will be much greater. But as long as we fight hate with more hate we will doom this planet to extinction. Because that’s the way the world works.

You are not ugly, you are not even hot, but most of all you are not even not.

Seeya,

Joshua Thompson.

Dating,

Fucking Dating. Are you serious? I had a friend who gave me the most valuable advice I’ve ever taken in relation to dating. “Just let it happen, who cares about dates?” which is completely relevant but I didn’t let it happen. I pretended to let it happen while desiring a love life that looked like a movie. And that’s the key point there: “Looked Like a movie”, it wasn’t a movie. Because movies give us magic, they show us what we want to see but we’re not looking properly and we just see the surface. What about the internal?
It’s funny because now that person is using Tinder to date guys, when she would make fun of me for using it (she broke up with her boyfriend). Tinder is a load of shit. It is a literal game. And that’s funny because dating is also a game. And it’s not a game that you want to win. Its not even a game that you want to engage in. Because if you have to manipulate someone (and let’s be honest, not replying to text messages INTENTIONALLY is manipulation, no matter how you turn it) Like, you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to reply but acknolwedge it for what it is. Don’t lie about it, when you say “I was just busy” but you were actually just ignoring them. THAT IS MANIPULATION.
So dating sucks. You literally have to trick someone into dating you. “Make your profile sound great”, there is no such thing as authenticity in online dating. It just doesn’t exist. You have to take your hottest photos (ones which don’t even look like you), you greatest achievements and your most boisterous personality types. ‘I’m a sagittarius who loves to play sport and eat pizza.’ Like you have to lie to sell yourself.
You know that movie “Cool Girl” where the woman talks about eating pizza and being hot? It’s that thing. And the same expectations are on guys. You drink and you’re also successful at work. You work out and you also dress nice. I’ve seen guys who go to the gym, they don’t dress “well”, they dress how they like. Which is comfortable and not versatile. So if you’re expected to work out and then also dress “well” (whatever the fuck that means) then you’re looking for a unicorn. And guys who dress like that look like they’re about to break.
You’ll often meet a guy who looks like they go the gym but they don’t. They just have a good body, it’s “good genes,” Yeah no such thing. Nobody has good genes, we all have the same genes. If we were in the wild, and under the same circumstances, we’d all look the same. It’s just your mindset about what you can achieve. You know, they played sport when they were younger, maybe you didn’t. How is that fair? He’s valued because it just happens that he worked out a lot. So you have to slog it out at ridiculous hours of the morning to have some semblance of a hot body.
See what dating does to you? Sends you down a rabbit hole just like I have been.
The funny thing is that there is no “ideal”. There is no “ideal” self, there is only you and the world. And what I mean by that is there is no image to aspire to. You know when you’re scrolling through Tinder, or swiping or whatever, you have this idea about the kind of guy girls want to see. And it’s usually a guy that you think you’re not. And if you are that guy then chances are you don’t understand why people are so obsessed with you.
Take Connor Franta for example. Has everyone seen him? He literally goes around making fun of the fact that he has a hot body. Some might say that he’s arrogant and he’s just showing off. But he’s not an idiot, what does he think he can get out of flexing for girls in the supermarket? Nothing.
He thinks it’s utterly ridiculous that girls wanna fuck him based on his physique. Which if you think about it is ridiculous. Now I’m not saying you should love people for their mind either because that’s a whole nother board game and people who value their minds more than their bodies are depressed. Because you can’t see the mind, but you can see the body. So people who are intelligent don’t have as many opportunities to show that off. And just because you got your computer degree from MIT doesn’t mean you’re intelligent, smart sure, determined sure but it doesn’t mean you’re going to make the next OS.
You need to have both, a strong body and a strong mind. And the only way to get those is to realise that you are neither. You know all those stories of people ripping off car doors when they’re in trouble? me neither. But you can say that people exceed their abilities when they’re on “adrenaline”, that’s just their true selves coming out to save the day. We don’t need huge muscles to lift a car, we don’t need anything to lift a car, we can get machines to do it for us (hahaha). But you get the picture, your value is not in your body or your mind because there is something else. There is something above and beyond the mind, body and spirit. And that is you.
People go around saying “I am depressed” Who is I? They don’t know. And neither do you. And that’s why you suck at dating. Because you don’t know you and you don’t know what you want and that’s going to lead you down the road to ruin.
Peace.

Family

When I was a lot younger, I used to say to myself: “If anything happens then I can always go back to my parents”. Now that is a horrible mentality. They brought you into the world so they should take care of you, right? No, your parent’s raising of you is just a thank you for their own life. They don’t need to take care of you like a pet. They also don’t need to treat you like one, let me elaborate.

Many people look up to their parents (like literally look up to them) but they aren’t omnipotent. They would just like us to believe they are. Remember when they gave an answer for everything we wanted to know? Yeah, that wasn’t helpful. They should’ve just said “I don’t know” and that’s fine because you don’t always need to know.

On the other end of the spectrum, people look down on their parents. Or more to the point, they turn away from their parents (which is not really the same as looking down but you get the picture). Which either you’re doing, you’re doing something in relation to your parents. I don’t want to be like them, I do wanna be like them, I wanna follow their legacy. What about your legacy? They don’t control you, you’re not a pet. And some may say that this is love.

It isn’t love because love isn’t used to control someone, to make someone else do what they want. “Don’t you love me?” one of the most manipualtive phrases in the English language. Speaking of emotional manipulation. I was watching an episode of Oprah where a girl was crying over her dead grandfather and the “grand guru” said, “now don’t you wanna honour your grandfather’s memory by respecting your mother?” Talk about emotional manipulation. Her father and mother are two different people! You can’t replace the respect she feels for her grandfather with the respect she’s supposed to feel for her mother. They have a different reationships.

They say there’s only one way to raise a child, that is wrong. Every child’s needs are different, just like every person is different. Children know who they are when they’re brought into this world, you don’t have to tell them. They ask you questions because they want you to know that it’s alright if you don’t know, they still love you. It’s you who needs your child love (to quote Dr. Shefali Tsabary), they are sovereign, just like you are sovereign.

So through our parents neediness, neediness to impress their friends, impress their parents and impress the invisible “society”, we become imprisoned. The need to “do the right thing” is so destructive. Think about it, even now you go to bed because you don’t want to stay up too late, you might disappoint your parents if you don’t get to school on time. This stuff becomes hardwired into you, and its not so easy to let go of.

This is why you can’t go back to your parents. You can’t go back to your parents because that expectation is weighing you down. And it’s weighing your parents down. You can only take of yourself and through taking care of yourself, you can learn to take care of others.

Its alright not to see your parents on the weekend, or have any kind of forced relationship with them. They’ll be fine!

Its you who’s the needy one, because they made you like that! They made you feel like you depended on them. The world is so dangerous that without them you will die. Which I mean, is just not true. Japanese people let their children go out on their own at the age of four. So if you didn’t need them then, then you don’t need them now.

Stop thinking that you need to go back, because you don’t. Let it die the ultimate death and start living the life you were supposed to live.

All is well,

Valhalla.

Marriage

Whoa Jeez, jumping to marriage already? Yes and the reason is that I feel the majority of Men who will come to this blog will be married already and they’ll want to know how to fix their relationship. Well you don’t have to take my advice but I’m gonna tell you what I think.

Men seek to own something. “My wife” “My car” “My responsibility” it’s unfortunate that the English language uses possessive pronouns so often. You can get the exact same effect by just saying “Wife”. “Wife went to the car”, whose wife? Your wife. See, it doesn’t really matter and sure you can come up against some misunderstandings but this is the way Japanese works and fuck, they’re doing alright.

Okay, so I’m not advocating the removal of possessive pronouns like some stupid SJW who wants to be able to identity as a catfish (bazinga). Social Justice is in fact ridiculous, it helps no one, it just gives power to the ego.

Who is the ego? The ego is the part of you that runs around saying “I want that”, it wants objects. Ever been inside a shop and just wanted to “buy everything”, yeah that’s the ego. It desires all but that’s not healthy, nor is it purposeful. You want to know the reason we are so unhappy in western society? It’s not because we have a lot of stuff (cause you can go the other direction and still be depressed), its because we have all this stuff that we don’t need. And also that we don’t want. See its alright to want something as long as you can see some kind of need for it.

Now the need doesn’t need to be superfluous, it can just be minor. But it must always be there. That’s the difference between wanting to eat 20 cookies and just wanting to taste one. You want to try one because you have to experience the world, and cookies are fucking delicious, but when you want to eat 20 cookies you end up taking away from other people. See what I was saying about building positive relationships?

Yeah, you can’t take what’s not yours. The funny thing is we know what is and what isn’t ours. See if we buy a pack of biscuits and then eat them all, that’s fine but maybe our spouse wanted some and you get home and they’re all gone. Isn’t she gonna be pissed?

You’re selfish! And that’s what being selfish is, it’s taking what’s yours and what’s not. So you can also take another life. And I’m not talking about killing someone, I’m talking about taking a person’s autonomy away. “But she’s my wife”, yeah, and she’s not your property. There is a horrible diminuitive that’s going around; “Mrs” as to refer to your wife. As in: My Mrs, now its horrible that we live in a society where the wife takes the husbands name, and that ideology has persisted throughout the ages, but its not absolute. What if we didn’t have names? (Trust me, it would work, they’re not really necessary) But the thing is we do, and we couldn’t properly function without them.

So the wife takes the man’s name and she feels empowered. I am his. But not “he is mine”, that ideology has only come about in the past few years. He puts his dick in me so I’m his property. Wrong.

Women have power over men, they understand their emotions, so naturally, in a much more natural way than men do. Except women aren’t allowed to get Angry and I’ll come to that in a moment. But women are spiritiual beings, they’re more conencted to their emotions naturally, they’re more connected to their inner world, their intution. This is a problem for men, because it means she knows things that he doesn’t and so we seek to control her.

So we tell her not to get angry it’s not very “ladylike” (now that’s an old phrase) but that empowers the man. Getting angry is something that men can do and so she’s scared when we get angry because she knows that she’s not allowed to. We’ve created a passive society where men can get away with hitting their wives and we do this by subjugating a woman’s ability to defend herself. Anger makes you strong and it scares people, so if you can get angry then you can make people do what you want. And if you’re in fear of anger (in fear of not appearing ladylike), do you get it now?

In the past women always worked in the kitchen, and I have a theory about this. Its because cooking is a very intuitive process. Anyone who says “I can’t cook” doesn’t trust their intuition. You don’t need to be taught how in order to work out how to make things taste good. Like anything it just takes practice and thankfully, you’ve been tasting things since you were a kid. Your body remembers what things taste like even if you don’t. How do think people came up with such extravagant recipes in the past? Nobody taught them, they just worked it out. And we all have the power to do so.

The other thing is women give birth. So its pertinent that they stay inside the home. It’s dangerous outside! Well, not anymore. But just because a woman gives birth doesn’t mean she has to be a baby machine. They still have autonomy over their own lives. We don’t give our children enough benefit of the doubt to take care of their own lives. And they can do it, maybe not when they’re a baby but certainly afterwards. We don’t need to watch them like a hawk, any baby boomer generation mother can tell you that. How can you watch ten kids at once?

This is why baby boomers have such a strong sense of autonomy (and a strong sense of entitlement to materialistic things), they had nothing growing up because they had so many siblings but then they had the freedom to do what they wanted because they couldn’t be watched all the time. Makes sense doesn’t it? That’s not my professional opinion, just my automated one. Haha

Anyway, Marriage. Its overrated,

Trust as a barrier to building positive relationships,

Relationships.
What is Trust? We’ve all got our definition of trust and to be honest, there is really only one definition. Giving away myself so that I know I can depend on you, sharing my experience of the world and not being taken for granted because of it. Sound familar?
If you didn’t know how to define trust then chances are you probably don’t know what trust is. Take for example this encounter I had with a Geordie (a northern Englander):
“It’s not something you can explain like,”
“It’s a warmth that stretches into your soul and continues on to eternity, like you could have nothing esle and still be happy,” << Me
“Yeah it’s hard to describe though innit” (I like that: innit)
We were discussing Love but the example still stands. If you can’t describe something then chances are you don’t know what it is and using a physical example is even worse.
“What is love?” “Love is going to see your son’s soccer game” – well to be honest, you can do that and still hate your child if you’re obsessed with winning and trying to make them the best instead of just letting them have fun. So that’s not Love. Love is a feeling just like trust is a feeling and trust can only be developed over a long period of time.
Now time doesn’t mean that you have to wait six months. No, trust is something that can be built in a week but it depends on what you do with that person. If you see someone in various situations, under lots of different circumstances and they don’t fumble. By that I mean, they don’t suddenly change their temperament or alter their values. Then you know that you can trust them.
And just let me state for the record that flakey people can never be trusted. If someone is bad mouthing a friend to you then chances are they’re off bad mouthing you to someone else and if you engage, if you step down, lower your inhibitions in order to engage then you’re going to get used because people like that only want one thing. To have the power to use something against you. Once they find out how you truly feel about someone, they’ll use it to manipulate that other person into thinking they can be trusted; and then, your relationship is ruined.
Now this doesn’t just happen with relationships. It can happen with anything. If you tell someone something personal, and they’re not worth trusting, they WILL use it against you. no exceptions. They may not alays get the opportunity but they definitely have the intention. The thing is they’ll lie to get what they want. You know how people say that it’s emotionally unstable to mention bad things that have happened to you in order to try and meet people when they’re telling you something emotional? Like:
“My father died”
“Oh well, my uncle died last year, very tragic”
(Just FYI, that’s not how you console someone).
Those people want you to feel guilty for being vulnerable and then they might use it against you later.
“Oh, geoffrey’s having some trouble, his father just died”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, I don’t think he can handle the promotion”
Walla! Give it to me. The truth (haha, cha-ching, ba-dum Tsh!) is that when you’re bad-mouthing someone, what you’re acually doing is complaining about yourself. You’re blaming them for your discomfort but don’t get me wrong, if you feel like someone’s treating you like shit then chances are they’re treating you like shit but you don’t have to stand for it. Complaining about it doesn’t solve anything and chances are the person you’re confiding in has their own agenda and is just gonna try and convince you to take their point of view.
You need to understand your own point of view. Am I overreacting? Or did I do the wrong thing? How can I fix this? Does it even need fixing? People are allowed to make their own decisions and they will do so without your persmission. You can try your best to convince them but at the end of the day, they don’t have to listen to you. Even if they trust you, they’re not gonna take your advice.
Because that’s not what relationships are about, trying to convince each other of a different point of view. They’re about love and respect, two words that have been skewed by the ages but they’re definitely not about advice. People need support and that’s not given by giving out tokens of advice. Nobody can take catch phrases and use them againt people as if they were a weapon, but that’s another story.
For now you should just know that giving advice is not the way to build trust. Listening is.
Valhalla,
Joshua Thompson

I want to be the Beta man

Well, that’s really the wrong way to go about it.
I’ll be honest, labels are garbage, all labels are just a load of shit. They’re a great way to imitate a truly successful and confident person. “I’m the Beta male!” can you imagine someone yelling that in the street? They’d probably get beaten up. But just because you say something doesn’t mean that it’s true.
Take for example someone calling themselves the “Alpha”, can you imagine anyone doing that and not sounding like a total wank? In their mind they probably sound like the sickest dude out there. It’s a way to pump yourself up, to destroy the competition but like I told you, not every interaction needs to be a competition.
In fact, no interaction realy needs to be a compeititon. That’s what “sportsmanship” is all about. Because it’s truly about the fun of the game. Think about it, when you’re playing a sport you don’t know whether you’ll win, or score a goal or win by default? Maybe. The only thing you can do is enjoy what you’re doing and wait for the opportunity to arise. Life is much like that. You can’t really anticipate anything.
Ok, you can anticipate some things. Like the birth of your child maybe? Like a birthday that’s coming up this weekend? But those a predetermined dates and if you know anything about childbirth, you’ll know that it doesn’t ever happen right on the dot. Nine months from now you could be sitting with that child aleady in your arms! And she only carried it for 8! Ok, maybe that’s not how it works but anyway.
You have to anticipate the goal, but the only way to anticipate it is to forget that it’s going to happen. Because everything is happening in the now, everything that will leade to that goal is alreay happening right now (is that too self-helpy? Get up and shout it) and if you’e thinking about how good the goal is gonna be, you’ll miss the opportunity to kick it.
This is the problem of the thinking mind, the monkey mind as they call it in meditation. The thinking mind wants to solve every puzzle, consider every riddle, boil everything down to its core. Well if you do that you’re just gonna get lost in a world of hate, because nothing can really be broken down into its most infinite form, we can’t see it. We can’t see the innards of an atom, we can’t even see an atom! Or can we?
You can predict, you can analyse, you can even conquer but you will end up owning nothing. The only thing that we own that we can “control” is our bodies and even then they’ll hate yu for it. You have to show it love (your body that is), and that doesn’t mean wanking every second minute of every day, No, its about living a life that’s true to yourself. A life that’s filled with kindness and joy.
We can make decisions about what we would like to do, but there are so many variables in this world that we just can’t control. One of those being the actions of other people and you might think “this is gonna work out” but that’s just what you believe and you have no idea about what another person may be thinking. Or what someone else might have said to them.
That’s the biggest issue that I’ve come across, you can’t contemplet the kinds of things people will say about you behind your back. And it doesn’t even matter because at the end of the day you’re still you. But I see the effect that it has. The only thing you can do is stay consistant. If you just do you, and do it with love and propserity then you can’t be faulted.
This guy! He keeps talking about Love! Well I don’t have any other word for it. It’s wholesomeness, it’s joy. Apparently Joy is the most vulnerable emotion, because we’re afraid we’ll never get to feel that way again. We’re happy to be sad (what an oxymoron) because that’s what we know and we can use that to propell ourselves forward. Well, there’s too much sadness in this world. When do we get to be silly without being ridiculed?
I digress. A professional sportsman needs to keep his head in the game and that doesn’t mean obsessing about the goal. Perhaps he imagies himself winning, perhaps he imagines himself losing but he doesn’t fret because you can’t win all the time. Because maybe you weren’t supposed to win, maybe you’re chance to “win” is coming around the corner.
That’s another thing, we’re told what’s valuable and what’s not, a trophie’s valuable, a friendship is not. As long as we’ve got ten medals, we’re doing well. Well, I know plenty of people with handfuls of medals but not much warmth in their heart. And trophies won’t keep you warm at night when you’re wondering where your life is going, but love wll. (See what I did there? Too obvious?)
So essentially, the only way to be the Beta male is to not be the Beta male. To reject the idea that you are defined by a symbol, by an object and by an identity. Sure, you can say it, “I am the Beta male” but they only way to truly be it is to reject it. And I’ll come to it later. Sorry to be so mysterious.
Ciao

Why it hurts to be the Alpha

Welcome, if you’ve come here then you’re probably searching for something better in your life. I was just like you (fuck that’s cliche isn’t it, haha, sorry, I’m gonna be a bit ad lib), and I wondered what I was doing wrong. Should I be a more aggressive male? The leader of the pack? Should I speak when spoken to but not when looked down upon? Could I use my power to tower over others? The conclusion came to me that it was a No. And not just because I wanted to be nice to people.

I felt there was an innate desire within me to seek harmony, to seek love (bleh, fuck off, close the page, what’s this faggot doing talking about love?) let me just say for the record that I never hung out with anyone who called another person a “faggot” but I’ve grown to love the word. Not for its homophobic inclinations but because of its strength. And what do I mean by that? There isn’t a man in this world who wouldn’t react at being called a faggot. In fact I was one of those men who would sit by idly and just take it. “They can’t get to me” I’d think, “I’m in here”, “You can’t feel inferior without one’s consent” or something like that… But by turning away from people who called me faggot, little did I realise that I was actually giving them power. I was acting out of fear, and let me tell you that that just leads to more fear. If modern psychology has taught us anything, its that whenever we do something out of fear, our anxiety grows. So I would sit by idly, or turn away or run.

Now, is there any power in running? Running from a fight I mean and yes, surprisingly, there is. I mean if someone’s coming at you with a knife, it’s not brave to stand still and just take it, that’s stupidity at its best and people stand by idly because they are afraid. That is by far the one thing I can say that is always a reaction of fear; doing nothing. Even making eye contact, looking at your phone, shuffling your feet; they are not reactions of fear if you do them in the right way. But standing frozen, the blood aching in your toes, means that you have left your body because you are too afraid to face what might come next.

So what am I talking about? I’m talking about becoming a Beta. I used to think of myself as an Alpha male. Wow, I have all this power over people, I can make them do what I want by just being kind. That’s when I realised I wasn’t being kind, I was being manipulative so I tried something different and I realised I did have a power, a power to show people kindness but not necessarily a power to get them to show it back (haha). And through this power I saw that every interaction could be just as fulfilling and optimal as the last (told you I’d get to my point). You don’t always need to dominate to get what you want.

In our modern world we’re told that having fast cars, hot women, exciting lives will make us happy and fuck yeah, it totally would but it would be useless without the struggle. To take from someone something which isn’t yours is to take a piece of yourself and say to it “fuck you, I don’t need values” but ultimately you become hollow. That’s why so many douchebags can rise to the top, because they’re willing to tread all over people to get what they want and that leaves them empty. Because they’ve taken out every piece. If you look at every get rich quick scheme, or any company that is just fluff, that is just shameless self promotion (like selling expensive water, or island getaways, getaway from what?) you’ll see that they lose what they get as quick as they gained it. And maybe they won’t end up homeless but they’ll just be on the hunt for the next adventure to win. That’s why Trump has been bankrupt so many times, he doesn’t know how to make something sustainable. Truly, he looks like a gambler who’s just on a massive winning streak, fumbling around in the dark, trying to find the light.

You can carry your light wherever you go, but try and run too fast and it’ll burn out (too many metaphors?). What I’m trying to say is in order to ACTUALLY be successful, you need to work out a way to actually work with people, instead of trying to dominate them. And telling someone to “fuck off” when they’ve wronged you isn’t dominating them, it’s meeting them in the middle ground. Look at it this way: I value you so much that I’m willing to speak up and tell you when you’ve wronged me and see what you’re gonna do about it. Saying “I don’t care” and taking the “higher ground” never fucking works, because then that person is just gonna try and overcome you in the next interaction. No man is higher than any other in the world, we all come from the womb and die in the grave, no exceptions. So it’ll be good for you to take some humility to your workplace. And speaking of workplaces, this kind of behaviour is especially detrimental in a workplace. The reason modern workplaces are such horrendous places to work is that nobody understands conflict resolution.

Conflict resolution starts from the outset of a relationship but I’ll go into detail with that in a later breakdown. What I want to say for now is that there is a better way to do things and that is to be the Beta. The Beta male is a male that everyone comes to for advice, whose presence you feel but don’t necessarily notice when they walk into a room, whose advice you’ll take but won’t necessarily use (because I mean, people have their own autonomy and don’t have to do everything you say, you narcissitic bastard LOL) and whose brother, friend and uncle everyone wants to be. (I thought making them all male roles could tie in better with my theme). Anyway, I’m glad you’ve come to read this, I’m willing to give you guidance on how to live your life better and stronger. Like a tall Oak tree that’ll never get cut down, but will come up against threats from time to time 😉

 

Joshua Thompson