Having a Schedule

Okay, let’s stop with the bullshit. Nobody has a schedule. Nobody goes to bed at the same time every single night and falls asleep at the exact same time. Okay maybe some people do but those people are robots. But for the more sentient of us, the chances are that we don’t have the ability to run ourselves like clockwork.

How could this be? Well unlike modern science has told us we don’t actually need 8 hours a night. Some need 10, some need 6 but some of us have varying degrees of how much we need depending on what we’ve done during the day. So you know the reason you can’t get to sleep at night? It’s not because you don’t have a night time schedule. It’s because you’re anxious right? Maybe you’re anxious because you don’t actually want to go to sleep? Is that a surprise.

I don’t sleep unless I need to, and I know most nights I’m going to get a regular amount of sleep (I usually sleep a lot but I try not to) but when you’ve got nothing to do you just wake up when you wake up. Why should I beat myself up about it? As long as I wake up feeling refreshed.

Now there was a time when I never woke up feeling refreshed. Even now there’s that mild cathartic look for when I wake up, I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what’s happened and I don’t know why I’m here. Then just like a computer, all the data comes rushing back to me and I’m alive again. Why is this? I think it’s because this is the time when your soul is reconnecting with you body, sorting out all the data bits like a computer and making the most of the time you’re spending unawares.

But back to me being sleep deprived. Yes, I found it hard to sleep. I slept too much or I slept too little. I always felt like there was this little time when I “had” to go to bed. Even when I wasn’t tired, I would start to feel lethargic telling myself “I have to go to sleep soon, it’s past my bed time”. Umm, I’m an adult, I don’t have a bed time. Now modern science will tell us that it’s the way round that you feel sleepy then you tell yourself to go to sleep. No, it’s not, psychology tells us that our thoughts inform our feelings and actions. So yes, we can make ourselves tired through thought.

And that’s precisely what I did, I made myself tired through cognition. I always wondered why my peers could stay awake all night with reckless abandon and not feel the pinch in the morning. I constantly needed to sleep and if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be able to process my thoughts properly. Which is still the case but now if I go to sleep at 3am and wake up at 6am, I don’t badger myself for it. Because a. maybe that’s just how things are meant to go today and b. I’m an adult and I don’t fall asleep on the pavement when I’m tired haha (didn’t actually happen).

So to those who keep a schedule, I say fuck you. ‘Cause I have no idea how. And living in the present presents itself as a marvel as a wonder in which I don’t really have to contemplate the future or the past. You can just be, and things come to you when you need them. And you can have abundance if you decide to.

Thanks for listening,

Love ya 😉

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